I’ve decided to try something. I’ve decided to start something new. is going to be my alter ego. My positive change in the world. I feel scared because I’m also so fragile at the moment but I know how much easier it is to talk to someone who’s distant enough you don’t feel guilty for talking about it but humane enough to care.
The story of two hungry ghosts, right? I’m not a professional, never took a course in comforting people - but that’s all I’m trying going to do. I’m going to try listen, bad day, bad month - whatever. If you're lonely, sad, bored..
I’m not going to listen to confessions of crimes or how badly you want to hurt someone but if someone hurt you, made you angry or plain pissed you off I’m here.
This also a selfish project as much as it’s selfless. I want to feel like a good person, worth something and I’ve had a lot of practise keeping the emotions in check.
I’m not going to judge you on your drug abuse, drinking, partying, race, nationality, sexuality, education. I’ll keep secrets, you can keep anonymous (I sure will be) and we can just have a conversation about how much life sucks at the moment, how much it rocks, how bloody bored you are or just about your day.
I’ve got my own shadows following me. Talk to me, if you’d like:

The Return Of The Bunny - He's More Rabid Than Ever...

I know that probably no one is going to see this because it has literally been over a year since I posted anything, but it's worth the effort.

I am starting a literary blog on LJ, and it is only for invited friends.  It will contain the ongoing content of a large historical fiction project I've been working on for almost two years.

If anyone on my friends list, or from any community who has read anything of mine they liked in the past, just reply to this post and let me know if you'd like access to the Literary Journal.  It is untitled yet, but within the day, the page, and its title, will be up for all to start checking out.  So, if you're interested, let me know so I can add you to the allowed readers list.

I hope to see many of you old familiar friends, and plenty of new ones!

(no subject)

i never have anything to say.

i'm a survivor of many crazy things, and i can finally actually see myself in the mirror now.

i don't mind myself but i'm still very angry, and still wanting to avoid everything and everyone.



Follow Me - I Know The Way

I have been silent for awhile.  Now I’m back, and am bringing with me a whole new blog.  If you ever found anything I’ve written in the past even mildly interesting, then I would be happy to have you follow me to the new blog:

I hope you make the trip.

This is the only time I will post on LJ again, and obviously the last time I x-post anything.  The new blog will be daily as much as possible, so I'd love to see all of you regularly.
  • Current Music
    My love getting out of the shower - yippee!

Candle in the dark

I’ll never be afraid

Even i’m walking alone.

Because i know

I’m not the only one who walking alone in this world.


I’ll never be worry

for everything that I need.

Because I know

I’m not the only one who feeling worry in this world.


When I see to outside of my window.

I see nothing!.....Only hope.

Hope to find the right way in “blank papers”.

No words. No advice.

No date. No limit.

No love. No Hugs.

Only my thoughts….without comma.


I find many things in my life never change.

My thoughts seems run more faster than my acts

Eventhough I try to wear angel’s wings

Nothing happen yesterday or today.


In the corner of my heart

I still feel emptiness surround me.

I’m alone in the dark with one white candle in my hand.

I really know the times….

It will be dark soon…

But no one see me.

No one help.

I hear their voice.

I hear their laugh.

Only hear something….but never see them!


Seasons change so easy.

Summer. Spring. Autumn.…and winter.

But I still find myself….sitting down in the same corner

Crying alone with a candle in my hand.

Hope with a biggest faith…

Somebody see my light.

And carry me away from there.

But too bad….I fail to believe

I see them…come and give me a hundreds white candles

And then they leave me.


You steal my hope!

You take my faith!

I fail to believe…I fail to believe.


(written by me when i sad today)




(no subject)

A Journey Of Pain

Picture courtesy of

"You purchase pain with all that joy can give, And die of nothing but a rage to live."

Alexander Pope

Pain, silently stalking your psyche like a skillful carnivore...
It lays about in daylight hours when your mind is occupied,
Too busy to see the danger lurking in the shadows, yet
Skillful enough, patient enough to bide its time and wait...

Pain, the sudden crippler, a smile becomes a frown,
Faces fill with worry, questions are asked, concern
Flows around you like a spiders web and you try to
Brush it away, only it is here now and undeniable...


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(no subject)

My Knight Awaits

Picture courtesy of Liv Elin Eriksen deviantart

Today I face a battle against a foe I cannot see nor hear and yet, as I stand alone on the parapet that looks out across the pre-dawn land, instinctively I know my knight is there...

I may not see him in the cold, thick mist,  nor hear the sound of hoof beats thundering from his black charger, but he is there, waiting, watching, ready for anything if need be...

Tis courage that I need, and courage that he offers, tis strength that I might seek, then it is his strength I can tap into should dark rainclouds gather overhead...

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What If God Was Cooler Than The Preacher?

Today, I went to church, the way I do most Sundays.  I am not your typical Bible thumping home schooled whackjob, but I do get a bit f spiritual support somehow from the ritual.  It is often more aggravating than helpful, though.  Today was one of those really aggravating ones where I wished the Hand of God would stretch down, rip off the roof of our pristine little church building and start flicking the parishioners over the next county like a child flicks popcorn into the front row at a bad movie.

It didn't happen, but I continue to have hope ;)
  • Current Music
    my assfaced rommate watching dumb shows after saying he wanted to watch football

Down The Political Rabbit Hole

Ok, here it is, my answer to the question about my thoughts on our two candidates for President.  I am not good at mincing words, or candy-coating my opinion on anything - but I did try to offend as few people as possible.  If you don't like it, fuck off ;)

This post is an attempt t answer a question, and should not be taken as a direct statement to the asker, but as a statement to all of the blogosphere.  It is a work of opinion, and I don't need a lot of crap from anyone who disagrees.  I welcome intelligently expressed and factually based comments, but rude attacks will be dealt with through swift and unrelenting violence involving beatings with a wiffle ball bat, and ritualistic dismemberment using a dull Swiss Army knife I haven't cleaned since my two week stint in the Boy Scouts.
  • Current Music
    the sliding glass door on the apartment being slammed repeatedly for some reason

I'd Like To Axe You A Question

I got an interesting comment on my LJ yesterday in regard to this post.  I liked alot of the things she had to say.  In addition to her thoughts on the topic, she had a list of good questions.  i have asked those who read my blogs to pose questions to help me explore my values, opinions, ideals and beliefs.  Hers are a great start, but now I have a dilema.

Thank you to everybody who has been a regular reader, I appreciate your comments and ideas.  I will try to raise my literary game to continue to earn your loyalty and your help in this is always great!
  • Current Music
    Watching "A Haunting" and trying to hear the dialogue over my roommate's hacking